We OPEN on a circular table in a glassy conference room. Seated around the table are five individuals: an UNSAVORY JOURNALIST and four members of the JUNGLE LAW GROUP.
Beside him is his wife, LAUREN KRUSKALL — mid 30s; longer, flowing black hair; black pantsuit; movie-star makeup; looks very much like the former cheerleader that she is.
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Cars whizzing up and down the highway. The camera pans up and we see a billboard with a green tropical-forest background. TRISTEN, shirtless, and LAUREN, leopard-print bikini, are hanging from the trees. The big, yellow text on the billboard reads: “SWINGING INTO KANSAS CITY SOON.”
The Law Of The Jungle
We wanted to present something unusual to Kansas City as a way of getting attention for the law firm. You see them on that billboard, and you think, “What is this for? Is it something with the zoo? A movie?” And so it built some anticipation.
And when we decided to move back here from Miami, I knew I wanted to start practicing law. I grew up here — Lake Lotawana, Lee’s Summit, and I went to Rockhurst College. But I hadn’t lived here in 13 years. I didn’t know anybody. And people have called me Tarzan my whole life. I’ve always had long hair. So I figured a good way to get my name out would be to call myself Tarzan the Law Man, and I’ll put elephants and monkeys and all kinds of stuff on my billboards. People said that’s crazy. I said, “Well, let us try.” We thought it all up on our own.
We’re unconventional. Lawyers are seen as conventional and intimidating. And some people are like, “Will that style be compatible with attorneys.” I said, “No, but I think it will change how people perceive attorneys in the future.”
Senior Lawyer Cartoons And Comics
The set of a local morning TV talk show. On one side of this large room is a camera-ready sofa set-up where the hosts sit and interview guests. Nearby is a fancy, well-lit kitchen area where food segments are filmed. Neither is being utilized; it’s late in the afternoon, and the hosts and crew have gone home for the day.
On the other side of the room, about 15 people are gathered around a shoot for a TV commercial that is underway. Away from the cameras, a middle-aged man is seated in a chair, holding a MONKEY wearing a diaper. The man is chatting quietly with another man wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a WHITE COCKATOO crawling around on his shoulder. A few feet away: a loud, colorful, caged PARROT, and a kitchen-trash-can-sized OWL resting on a horizontal pole. TRISTEN is standing shirtless in a loincloth in front of a green screen wearing white-and-blue Nikes. He’s fumbled his line a few times and is trying to get it right. He’s frustrated but not too upset. A DIRECTOR is coaxing him through.
Tristen and I have been together for 10 years, almost 11. We met in Los Angeles. We were both modeling and acting. I used to play oboe professionally. I played in the Arizona Opera, the Tucson Symphony. But I’m from Boston originally. We moved to Florida together, and Tristen convinced me to go to law school. We’d noticed that a lot of attorneys are married. It seemed like a good way to share your life, share your career. And while I was in law school, I did a cheerleading stint for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for one year. When I graduated, Tristen said, “Let’s start a firm in Kansas City.” We were initially only going to do the animal thing for marketing purposes. But it’s become part of our practice, doing animal law cases.
Law Of The Jungle Cartoons And Comics
Now LAUREN is reciting words into camera for a television ad. She’s standing on a wooden box for height. The PARROT is on her shoulder.
I settle auto accident cases and I also handle sexual harassment cases in the workplace. Hashtag #metoo. As a former professional cheerleader, I know the playbook. Se habla —
LAUREN pulls out her phone and taps out an email. Near the back of the room, a MAKEUP ARTIST is doing DONNA’s face. TRISTEN stands nearby.
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Tristen, when you do say the “DUI, BUI, traffic citation” line, do it like you did last night when we were going over it.
I call myself the Momager. They sprung this whole law firm thing on me. I’ve worked in advertising here in town for years. We have an on-hold advertising business. We write scripts and produce programs for clients — the stuff you hear when you’re waiting on hold for a hotel or an auto dealer or an airline. But now everything’s a whirlwind. I had a business and friends and a life and I’ve put it all on hold these last six months. I’m trying to figure out the best avenues for marketing, billboards, social media, our website, commercials. It’s all new to me.
When you’re coming new to town, you don’t have 50 years of experience behind you, you’re not [NAME OF FIRM REDACTED], you don’t have jury attorneys. This is a whole new realm.
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KAREN sits in front of makeshift desk wearing a black judge’s robe. Behind her is a green screen. She’s holding a gavel and staring at the camera.
This kind of advertising you’re doing is a very specific choice. What do you think about people who say you’re making a mockery of the legal profession by appearing half-naked on billboards?
[Reading from the Missouri Supreme Court’s “Rules of Professional Conduct]: “In all communications concerning a lawyer’s services, a lawyer should avoid advertising that serves to denigrate the dignity of the profession or trust in courts, of which every lawyer functions as an officer.” Now, to me, a guy in a loincloth on a billboard — that’s possibly denigrating the dignity of the profession. That’s my opinion. I don’t want to be quoted on that.
The Young Lawyers Jungle Book
It’s all hat, no cattle. It’s all marketing and no actual lawyering underneath. Do they even try cases? They say they do animal law. I don’t even know what that is! This is off the record, right?
Imagine if some journalist came to town and started … oh, I don’t know. I guess it’s not that different than the other attorneys who advertise on billboards. I met the Tarzan guy once. He seemed like an OK guy. Don’t quote me.
I’m working on over 100 cases right now. We’re doing real work. We do the animal cases mostly for free to bring awareness to crimes committed against animals. I do mostly DUIs and traffic tickets. I’ve done civil work for years, but now Lauren is doing more of that end of things with the sexual harassment stuff. She’s gonna be at the forefront of the #metoo movement just like we’ve been at the forefront of the animal stuff.
Hector And Lawyer
A lot of attorneys have reached out and said they were impressed — that they didn’t have the balls to do something like that. Others try to poke fun at us and bring us down. I had a guy call and say there’s no such thing as animal rights law on the books. Which is not true. I didn’t even respond to him.
I think what has been cool is that, when we got here, there were a lot of attorneys who maybe didn’t take us seriously because of the marketing. But the good news is that other attorneys reached out and were like, “We want in.” They wanted us to refer them cases, collaborate with us. Many have been really generous.
And I’m doing a CLE at the Nelson — a continuing legal education class — soon to talk about how our firm has approached marketing and branding. And the American Bar Association, they just did a story on us. They’re featuring us with a four-page spread. That’s a publication that goes out to 450, 000 attorneys. So we’ve got national attention. They’ve gotta be taking us seriously at this point.
Law Of The Jungle By Paul M. Barrett
And we’re talking to TV, too. We have a sizzle reel we’re putting together for Ellen. And we’re in talks with six networks about a reality show.
The idea is we could get national, or really, international exposure for what we’re doing with animals — defending animals against crimes and cruelty.
Here, we zoom in on the face of the UNSAVORY JOURNALIST as it dawns upon him that he is essentially participating in an early rehearsal for a Jungle Law Group reality TV show. The kooky grandma, the pushy mom, the beautiful couple fighting on behalf of adorable critters — all four primary characters have already been developed. All that’s left to be done is bring in the cameras and build some storylines around them.
Specialist Law Cartoons And Comics
An ELDERLY WOMAN pets a tabby cat with wheels for back legs. TRISTEN and LAUREN look on with sympathetic eyes. The ELDERLY WOMAN informs them of a suspicious neighbor she believes to be responsible for her cat’s disfigurement. “Let the Law Man handle this, ” TRISTEN says solemnly.
A shirtless TRISTEN and bikini’d LAUREN celebrate on the beach after being awarded substantial punitive damages in a case involving a stolen toucan.
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